New Year's Eve

Hell and heaven are both paved with good intentions!  I was all set to quit blogging but today I got an email from someone who told me what it has meant to her and helped her get through the day when she has an enormous task of a job!  So I thought, get with it again!

And I shall do that.  People can decide if they want to read it or not!

Saying goodbye!

Time to say goodbye to this blog!   If I have helped you in any way, good!  If not, I am taking a little-deserved break.

No Man is an Island

My mother did not like to hear the "old stories" nor did she like to tell them.  Her childhood must have been painful to her since her mother died when she was 9 and her father when she was two and she was shoved around with siblings.   But she would, perhaps, been willing to go on some kind of an autobiographical journal, had she realized the words of John Donne:  "No man is an island, entirely of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."

Misunderstandings of the past often have a profound effect on the future.  As I have looked back to my blogs in the last years, they are crammed with Cooper problems;  in fact, they have enveloped my life and soul in negative ways.  I almost want to run to get away from the insanity of all of it.   But then I realize, anew, that that is who I am and where I have been put on this earth and I can't "escape my raising."  Frederick Buechner, a giant among theological giants, says that all of us misjudge and misunderstand the motives of others and have done so since childhood.  Buechner says that it is through our stories "as I have long believed and often said that God makes himself known to each of us most personally and powerfully.  If this is true, it means that to lose track of our stories is to be profoundly impoverished not only humanly but also spiritually."

So, I must seek to embrace who I am and where I came from and where my ties are.   I must seek to loosen those ties which bind me to a negative past and start afresh.   While I can't escape from my "raising", it is my job to clean out the cobwebs of my mind and reach out in a fresh acceptance of where we are now and how we can walk on and keep the ties of family.  The time for placing blame is over.  Grow up, Jane, and grow!

A word from Rob Mehner

"We need to build relational bridges strong enough to carry the truth.  Too often we try to drive truckloads of truth across rickety bridges of relationship."  This spoke to me today when I read it.  As I have wrestled with the pangs of hurt that have come to me in the last years, I realize that I have built bridges that were not strong enough, in my mind, to support an outpouring of truth.  I came from a pastor's house, a politician's mileau, and a college president's residence  --all of them required putting your best face forward and hiding the flaws from the world.   Yes, when I was young, we were told not to tell that our oldest brother was an alcoholic.  It was not being deceitful;  it was keeping private things out of the public realm.  And I played my part in maintaining a reputation for every one of them...and all of us!   It was the "family" thing to do!

When I went through a divorce, there were rumors of other women and I was devastated that people were laughing and talking.  My husband and I had spent a life and career standing up for the right way to live and act and I could not allow all of that to stand for nothing.  Even when the provost wrote what a fictionalized version, I would not be a part of any of the gossip that surrounded it.

These words from Rob came home to roost --I know that many of the current age of letting it all hang out will disagree, and I know that they will judge me guilty of continuing to drive truckloads of truth across rickety bridges, but I am not certain that that is the best way for me.   Some may call it coverup, lying, deceit and putting your head in the sand.  I call it deciding what bridge I want to travel on and which one will be most supportive in the end.  

There are no answers that stand the test of time.  There are only choices to be made and dealt with.  Sometimes the bridge comes tumbling down in the light of truth.  But sometimes, the bridge continues to function because the truth never demands to come out for all the world to proclaim, denounce, and move on laughing about the debris it has left behind.

A time for resolution

Thinking thru the days-- what do I want to see in 2014?  World peace, too lofty!  I am pondering the words I read yesterday!  "Drama does not just walk into your life.  You either create it, invite it, or you associate with people who love to bring it into your life!"

I want a lessening of the drama in 2014.  I want all those who have created the drama to cope and reach out and that includes me!  I thank Mark and Tina for their work in getting Rose Marie and me back together and every one has a role to play if the Cooper family ever becomes a real family again!

Daddy's Christmas Sermon

I am sending a copy of Daddy Cooper's Christmas sermon with his handwritten notes!  Hope you enjoy it!

Goodbye, Honey!

Last night I went to Charleston for the visitation for Honey Graham Owens. I thought of her and our relationship all the way down there, how we rode to school each day together and kept up with her all these years, how all of her family went to SEMO and we kept the old ties and kept adding new bows.  Then when I stepped into the gorgeous church, I felt the warmth enwrap me and I knew I had come home.

The line was long and my eyes flitted from one person to another.  It was amazing how many people I knew and who recognized me instantly with "Janie, so glad to see you!"  Or How is Rose Marie?  or I see your Facebook".   I saw so many people who have filled major roles in my life.  By the time I reached Bob and Tom and Neel and Bill, I knew I had come home.  Maybe to say "Goodbye" to Honey but also to remember...and praise God for his many blessings to me!

Christmas at Marks house

I am feeling better today!  Longest Christmas Day in history! Mark sent pictures and we talked on phone!  

Sick on Christmas Day and Eve

The Christmas Eve bug hit me at the Lutheran church last night and Bev had to bring me home!  Diahrrea and vomiting after I got home!   Santa hates me!

Lutheran church service

I joined the Hickam family for services tonight and I enjoyed the carols!  

The little Cooper girls

Mark Stacy sent pictures he made of my sister, Rose Marie Jordan, and me at Thanksgiving at his house!  I love it!

Christmas Eve

Morning coffee done and mail opened!  Getting my deviled eggs ready to take to Hickam family dinner tonight!  We are all going to Trinity Lutheran tonight for early service and then back to Ann's for potluck!   I will enjoy catching up with Danny and Nancy!   Bev is family to me!  And I am to her!

In the meantime, I need to do something constructive!  But heck, it's Chrisrmas Eve!

So on with the Show!

Jay 's Wolz, the alumni director, took me out today to the Coaches Show at Dexter Barbecue and we had a blast. He took a pic of Coach Dickey Nutt and Tom Meyer and me. It was a fun time and I thoroughly enjoyed the show. Coach said to me, as I was leaving, "Hope this didn't bore you!" and I knocked him over by saying, "I was a football coach wife in Malden and Kent Phillips (his sports information guy) dad played on our line." Coach said, "Well, this was old stuff to you." Maybe so. But fun to be a part of and fun to enjoy the camaraderie. I like his style.

Mama Cooper Wall - Sikeston Hospital

This is the picture that the Sikeston Hospital is using for their publicity.

Photo pic for publicity for Mama Cooper's Wall, Hospital

Just move on....

Last week I was talking to a student friend of mine and we were talking about life and how it hits you in the gut sometime.   (He is not there;  but he thinks he is!)  And he told me about all of his problems and then looked me right in the face and said, "You're getting up there in years!  How did you cope with the bad stuff!"   I didn't hesitate.  "Hey, I just moved on when I could ditch what part of the bad I could ditch!"  "And when I got tired of holding grudges and having all my thoughts go to how I was mistreated or by whom." . And I told him the truth. I had to get tired of having my spirit held in hostage by someone else. When I saw what that someone was doing to me, actually or mentally, I decided to wave the white flag emotionally and secede from that union which was destroying my happiness. It continues to work for me. Just move on....so what if you have been hurt intentionally or non-intentionally. Shit happens! So what if someone didn't honor you in the way you think you deserved (tear up your list of why that person owes you big-time); so what if your world seems to be passing you by ---grab what you want to keep of it and let the rest fall on someone who thinks they are big enough to handle it! This is what Christmas is all about! Moving on....Starting out the New Year mentally---letting the dead bury the dead and you keep living every day! It's a daily choice....this moving on!

Mama Cooper's Wall

This morning I was in Sikeston at the hospital there looking over the plans and supplies for Mama Cooper's wall!  It is a plan that all the children in Pediatrics are allowed to choose art supplies and do pictures and stickers!  Today the packed unit was doing doorknockers and having a great time,  they are on their second load of coloring books!   Some wanted tear off easels!    The nurses told me story after story about the responses of the children!   Thanks, Marcy, for the care you have given!

Soon there will be a sitting room with "Mama Cooper's Wall " on the wall where families can sit together and do projects! Mama' s love goes on and on!

Here is the room!

Raising money and friends

I like to do both!  There is an art in both!  It involves stepping out of your shoes and into theirs and it involves remembering birthdays and being there for the good and the bad times!

Today Bill Holland and I went out to CountryClub to eat lunch and we talked about making and keeping friends!   There is an art To it based on sincerity and individuality!  I said I learned it from my Dad who was the best!

So thanks for my Cross pen and Merry Christmas!

Dentist office survival

I spent yesterday in the dentist office with my best friend, Nitrous Oxide, for three fillings and a night of deadened facial tics!     I hate the lack of feelings and celebrated with a vanilla shake which made me queasy!  

Hallelujah it is over for a year!    

Going to the dentist today!

Three fillings.  I would rather take a beating!   But I go faithfully.   But since I got my nails done yesterday, I can sit and look at my nails while the nitrous takes effect.  Other wise this is a slow day!

Gloria is here cleaning,  mark is taking me to dentist and Heather is coming tonight to do errands and paperwork!   

Reverend A.B. Cooper Memorial Meals

Having lunch at Pasta House with Matthew Porter of Baptist Student Center! He told me about the gifts for AB Cooper ministry from so many friends. If you want to include this in your end of year giving, send a contribution to PO Box 1923 Cape Girardeau MO 63702. Thanks! 

It's Monday and the world goes on....

Back home after four days on the road, and a good night's sleep, and I am somewhat raring to go.  Debbie has been here to fix my hair, makeup is on and I am dressed.  Matt Porter is picking me up to eat lunch --my adopted grandson--who will make me laugh and give guidance.  That is the definition of grandchildren.   I have scheduled nothing more but I will fill in as I go.

My sink has to be fixed (a screw came out) and my wreath is not working.  That means I need to call Mark Hoffmeister.   My nails need to be done.  That means I need to call Heather.  Tomorrow I see Dr. Freeze for three fillings -- a visit I could do without, NOT.   Wednesday, Joan and I go to Ste Genevieve to get meat and look around.   Thursday, Judy and Joan have a party.  I was thinking of having a party this weekend but thought better of it.

Yesterday, I was in line at Wendy's at Poplar Bluff and behind me were two men from Malden.  One was Bob McDonald, father of Terry, and I spoke to them and told them who I was and that my ex-husband was football coach there.  We had a fine time laughing!

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

Headed home today!

Fun trip with the "funniest of people" and Joan Gohn and I have been around the world, literally, together!  Branson has something for everyone!

Now since we have made a heist, we are in tall clover!

Harold bell Wright

Daddy talked all the time about shepherd of the hills and Wright!  Now I finally get to Branson and they make us stage a bank robbery there!  Life changes; get with the program!

Snowing like sixty: no one else much in motel!  What fools would get out to shop!

A fun night at the Mansion

Judy Brown, Joan Gohn and Julie Livesay all trekked to mansion at Jeff city for our Christmas party!  We had a blast and enjoyed it immensely!   Will send pics!

Now on the way to Branson!!

Anticipation ....of a trip!

I have checked everything twice.  Suitcase is packed and I am sitting here waiting for Debbie to come do my hair, and then Joan picks me up at 11:30 and we are gone for three days -- enjoying the days at Branson and the shows.  Never been there at Christmas.

Stay tuned.  It will be worth writing home about.

My guys!

Last night I went to dinner with John Bierk and Bill Prost which we do regularly!  We went to Pasta House and the waitress went into therapy as we left! I am easy!  That tells you something!  But we are all argumentative especially Bierk!

We don't have to get along; we do get along and we show it!  Anyway, we shared presents and skipped the insights which is a break!   I came home laughing and realizing, anew, how insane both of them are!

Pope Francis

I love this Pope.  He is making it happen by making it clear what is happening.   He criticizes the right wing of Christian fundamentalism by saying that they have jumped on the wrong side of issues instead of remaining true to the principles of Christ.   He said "Feed the poor";  he did not say "Feed the pockets of the church";  he said, "Heal the sick" instead of heeling to the people who make the government run.    I hope he lives long enough to make it happen or make someone think about society  --wherever it occurs.

It is a lesson for me also.  Every day I get up, determined to make the day count, and I get enmeshed in dog fights that I can't win and end up throwing up my hands and feeling sorry for myself.   It takes the best out of me every time I allow old circumstances to crowd in and choke off positive acts and emotions.   I may be 75 but I am alive today.  Pope Francis is older than I am and he is making a difference every day in big ways.  Why don't I take a lesson from him--and react, positively, to the circumstances which are hitting me in the face?  I have opportunities every day to make life better for someone...and I spend my time exasperated by situations.

So today,   here are my opportunities:

Mark Hoffmeister is coming over at ten to work.  Make a list of things that we can do to deliver Christmas presents.
Call Matt Porter to come this week to lunch.  Both these guys help me so much.   I need to do something special and grant them "one wish".
Send Rose Marie flowers for Christmas.  She has reminded me that sometimes people have to cope in their own ways and remember the good of the past.
Call Harriett Small about Bubber.  He has surgery this morning.
Going out to eat with John Bierk and Bill Prost tonight.  I need to listen and find out how they really are.

And, Pope Francis, I need to focus on what is really important, in my life, and ditch all the extraneous, petty matters which envelop me daily.

Monday morning thoughts

The snow is still in the streets and in my driveway -- half of it.   And it is limiting.  Now I feel better and I am not taking this enforced staying home well at all.  I'm mindful that I am leaving on Thursday for a trip --but that is Thursday.  If I have to watch tv another full day, I will gag myself, film it and send it out all over the airwaves.

In the meantime:
I will finish my Christmas cards;
Write my Christmas checks to charities and grand-kids,
Email people
Do FB and pay bills.

That is an outstanding list of ennui.

Julia, the Pack Rat of Charleston

I love all these things that come across FB  -- showing stuff that everyone had years ago and reminding people of another time.  Today it was a ceramic Christmas tree that everyone had.

 

We had one also.   It reminded me that Julia Cooper Warren bought everything.  There was nothing new that came out that she did not consider buying.   And she never threw anything away.  I have always thought that there would be a time when her house would collapse under the weight of purchases.    

Anyway, I sent it out today.   Amazing how many people still have them.   Julia probably has 50 that she used to decorate the Governor's Mansion or Storming Bull or bought them to give away and forgot about them.    I have trouble dealing with stock-piling.  My ex-husband used to say that you had to read the paper in the morning because I pitched it by noon.   I was not a craftsy person--no shock at all to family--it seems that craftsy people keep everything --they think that they may find a use for that crap at a later time!

Sorry about the "crap" term;  it just works for me!

Yes, we have a street!

I still don't have a driveway but I know where the street is!   Staying in today and feeling much better.   I'm thinking that I may have overlooked any reason for living within the last few days!   I even made "Float" like Mama used to make when we were sick.   I will throw the rest of it out today.  

Got a note from Rose Marie today and she said what a good time we had in Durham.  Talked to Mark and Tina last night and they are fine.   Lisa's dog, Fergus, is real sick and she is beside herself.   I wish she lived closer to me.  And Leigh  --she keeps me going with her "fun".   I can't even tell you how funny she is and her memory is earth-shattering.   Her humor is nothing like her parents.  Both were funny and Warren was treacherous when he got something on you!  And he had lots on me!   All of which he told at every opportunity!   But Leigh remembers everything you ever said to her.   She would say she didn't have a boyfriend and I would point out bachelor Charleston "catches" like Budo Skinner and Billy Burnett.   She reminds me of my comments to her at this vital time of her life.   Hey, I thought my sister's children were there for me to play with;  not try to mold them into a dynastic piece of steel!  

Nelson Mandela 1918-2013

Who exemplifies the heart of the New Testament better than Nelson Mandela?   I read a quote from Mandela today which speaks to me:  "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."  Blows my mind in truth!   Christ-like!  27 years in solitary confinement at Robbin Island and then come out and forgive the captors!    I have an admiration for this man because of his experience that falls over on my limited span of resentment.

White snow day

We have snow everywhere!   We are hunkered down in homes and delighted to watch the weary trucks go by!   I feel better today and hope that I am on the mend!

I intend to drink this pot of tea and make a pot of soup and watch stories about Nelson Mandela!

Death of NelsonMandela

Sure he was 95 and all knew that this day was coming!  He had a dream which kept him in prison for many years in Robbin island!  27 years!  And I am prone to despondency for perceptual slights!  He was a great man!  He kept his dream alive!

Sleet and snow coming in today!

Hey, I have groceries and heat.  I am retired and I don't have to get out of this house unless I choose.  I don't think I will choose.  I am going to wait out the storm and then, when it is over, I will reschedule all the things I have had to cancel.

Could be worse.

Mama Cooper's Closet in Missouri Delta Hospital, Sikeston, MO.

When I'm down, I wait and I always get a sign that there is a God out there who loves me and knows that I need to be lifted up.   This morning, after getting sick  at a luncheon at Southeast Hospital, and realizing that I had the flu bug which is going around (and realizing that a bad ice storm may be coming in), I just began cancelling things like mad.   Yes, I do have help coming in today to get food, etc.

Who likes to be sick?   I slept fitfully and got up to drink some coffee and cancel a few more events for the rest of the week.   First, I heard from Robin Stacy Wilson who always gives me a lift  --I'm not really her aunt any longer but don't tell that to her...or to me.   She wanted to know how I was this morning!   She doesn't have to be concerned;  she just is!

Then I got another note from the Missouri Delta Hospital co-ordinator and she told me that we were ready to go with "Mama Cooper's Pediatric Closet" and when could I get there to officially open it.  I was there one day, walking through the Pediatric ward, when I was setting up the Scholarship there for Jim Cooper and I saw a child with one sheet of paper drawing on it.   The woman said, "We just give them a sheet;  pads walk off".   I went in with a check so that this will not happen again and every child can have access to art supplies no matter how long they are in the hospital.

And I feel better---Mama would be pleased!  So am I!   So is the Hospital at Sikeston!

Sick as a dog!

Tried to do lunch thing and it hit me in the gut!  Cancelled everything!  Staying by bathroom !

Christmas concert

Joan Gohn, Judy Brown and I went to the Southeast Christmas Concert yesterday at Cape Bible Chapel and it was super!  Music to lift the wounded bodies and spirits!   Saw so many friends who said what I needed to hear!  I hope I did the same for them!

Joan came back to house and we drank a coke!  She had to go to farm to doctor Daisy, her horse!  I turned down riding shotgun for that trip!

Back home at last!

Got in at six last night,?,tired and happy with memories!    Big day here!  Going to Christmas concert today!

Over the river and thru the woods

Mark Hoff and I Are in Nashville on the way home!  Mark And Tina brought me to Knoxville'. It was a wonderful holiday and special!

But it will be good to get home also.  I'm very thankful for both!

More thanksgiving at Durham

And the party went on!

Wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving

So happy to have had 14 of us around the table yesterday!   Rosie and I sang "sisters" without rehearsal and the food was to die for!   Bailey brought Mac and cheese, the best Brussels sprouts casserole dish u have ever eaten and Beth brought mama Cooper's chocolate pie to add to Tina's feast. 

What a time and what a meal!

Thanksgiving Day

Can't sleep for the excitement of anticipation.  Bailey and Beth and their families will soon be here!  Have had a wonderful time'

Headed to Knoxville

I am being relayed to Durham today! MArk Hoffmeister is taking me to Knoxville where Tina is picking me up!  Hallelujah. No planes and no airports,

Can't wait to see everyone!

No words for the day !

Just trying to find something in my life that is meaningful and been worth the effort of the experience!  I'm checking them off!  Sounds like a Christmas song!

Bryan Stacy's birthday

Can't believe that Bryan is getting so old! What does that make me?  Proud that I have the privilege of seeing him grow up! He has art in his soul like Mama Cooper and Carol Estrada.   He has my laughter and when we see each other, he grins and I fall apart with love!  That is my gift to him!

And my birthday wish to him:  the words are taken from Oscar Wilde "be yourself, everyone else is already taken!"

Yourself will meet your needs!

And my favorite pic!

Thanksgiving is coming if it doesn't get knocked down by Christmas!

I said I wouldn't do it but I have.   At my house, the florist has been here and we are ready for Christmas.  No outside lights yet.  I have my pride!

Kennedy Assassination

Where were you today?   I can't remember where but I will never forget what happened!  Jackie, you may have been a prima Donna but you held a wounded nation together!

Wiped out today!

I would send you a "selfie" but it could be labeled "indecent exposure" since I look gaunt and haggard but what the heck..deal with it!

Went to Sikeston for luncheon with 16 friends, came home a boarded a bus to go to St Louis to see "sister Act" at the Fox!  Great show!  Got home at one and hummed music to myself until four!   When I say I look bad, I mean bad!

Getting ready to hit it slowly today!  Going to lunch with barb Kinsey and Bev Hickam,  picture is of Steve McPheeters and me!  I taught him in third grade in Malden!

Full and full day

I have an over-filled day today!  Going to Sikeston for a Thanksgiving lunch with 16 of my best friends in Sikeston including Harryette Campbell and Steve McPheeters!   Then coming back to Cape, getting on a bus with 14 friends to go to st Louis to the Fox!

My bones will be weary when I finally get home but my spirits will be buoyant!

Harryette at homecoming with me this year!  She adores Carole Jane!  

Drill a little deeper! Not!

I love my dentist and his nurse wife, John and Martha Freeze and sit with them at parties.  But I hate to see them up close and personal when he has a white coat on!  That's where I am headed today!  Yuck!

Waiting for the gas to take me away!

Tornados come and go...

Yesterday was a tornado day for most of us in the Midwest.   You stay glued to the television and Bob Reeves on KFVS and you watch the tornado pictures come in.   They say that Morley is hit and the grain elevator and seed store are gone and that Washington, Illinois is gone  and on and on.  Then when the storm is past, you walk out into the sunlight and wonder why you have gone through an afternoon of hell.

It is like the storms of life.   You just go through it, get through it, and forget to tell about it unless you were in a town that is destroyed.   Tornados are freaks.   Where they stop, nobody knows.  Not even Bob Reeves of KFVS.

Dealing in percentages.....

 It's Sunday and theology time....I was reading the newspaper this morning and I read a column  by Joe Scarborough entitled :  "My fix for what ails the GOP".  It intrigued me so I read on and he said that President Reagan lived by the belief, "just because I'm your friend 80 percent of the time doesn't make me your enemy 20% of the time."  And that will preach, brothers and sisters!

What does it say to me?   I'm so guilty of this!  We make exhorbitant demands on those around us and jump off the bandwagon in a minute's notice when we think that someone has failed us.   I spend so much time thinking about who has failed me and how that I forget how I have failed them in the process.   We don't owe people 100% loyalty at all times;   those people have lives to lead and places to go and see that have no connection to us.   And they make decisions based on who they see and need "to fix" the most!

So about that enemies' camp  -- why don't I think about deactivating throwing people in there to die permanently in my mental processes!   Some of those people don't even know or care that I have thrown them into my personal Guantanamo
and they are now on life support systems and being force-fed through the nose.  They are out living their lives, doing their thing, and I am letting it eat on me in a non-productive mental manner.  Jane, take the 80% or even the 40% and forget about figuring out what is going on in the 20%.  They are living their lives---nothing to do with you. 

They may be living in their own personal prison  --one you know nothing about!

Preserving One's past

I spent yesterday afternoon at the Flag House with the Kellerman Foundation for Historic Preservation.  They brought up the Louis Lorimier book I wrote to keep Cape Girardeau's lst museum afloat and Frank Nickell said that teachers still use the book.  Steve Limbaugh said he wanted two copies and I told him that they were $ 4,000 apiece and he said he would pay it.  

I love history--I was a history major in college and I think that preservation is perfect for the times.  So I am eager to participate in the Governor's Mansion work and the downtown work and the Hearnes Museum and the University museum.   We go to the meetings to work and then we get down to it and make some decisions.

Five things about me that you wish you didn't know!

My niece, Brianna, assigned the number five to me on FB and I will take her up on it --but use it on blog, not FB.   I don't even read the lists that people are putting out there.   If I really knew that person, I wouldn't have to read 142 excerpts on their life. 

But here's mine:

l.   I am the poorest, most uncomfortable driver in the world and haven't driven a car in three years.   Now I hire a driver if I want to go anywhere or people pick me up.  I didn't get a license until I moved to Cape and I drove the kids around when I was desperate, and I drove myself to work and back.   I realize it is a selfish act and I wish that I had forced myself to drive but I did not.  Regrets, yes.   Do I spend a lot of time regretting.  No.

2. I dread airplanes and traveling alone.  I have gone around the world but I had Joan with me who knows that I don't hear half of the things that people say and that I have a terrible time with anyone who has a dialect.   I have tried to tell Sara that time and time again before we make the trip to Durham but she does not have the same fears I have, is not 75 and has no problems being alone and making things happen.   I wish I could get in the car with a driver and go without the hassle of airplanes and relying on people that I am not used to relying on for daily needs and coping with what they think are irrational fears.

3.  I like to live and plan in my own daily world.   Some days I want to do all kinds of things; some days I am content to watch the news and get my hair done.   I like to retreat into my world and come out at my own choosing.

4.   I need the interplay of people in my life.  I draw life from them.   Occasionally someone will come by or call and say something that spurs me to continue in my quest for living.   I like positive people.  I detest family conflicts and those who thrive on stirring a pot of people who are tired and worn out and have gone through sad times.  

5.   I want to live out my life without being cynical or unkind.  I hate it when I fall into that kind of trap --My siblings played that game  --why, I will never know.   Our family had more breaks than any family I ever knew and why they played with the fire of cynacism and anger is more than I can ever know.   I will not dwell on that point --I ignore it when it happens ...most of the time!

OK, Brianna, that is it for me!   I took your number and ran with it!

Get rid of the clutter!

I am not a hoarder by any means!  My ex-husband used to say if you didn't read the paper in the morning, it was in the trash by the afternoon!   But I accumulate office junk, books and clothes!  This week I have been on a tear of getting rid of these coveted items!  I am proud!

First I loaded up stuff for Safehouse.  Then I called Matt Porter of Baptist Student Center to come get books for their library and then I called Cathy at Reruns to come get clothes!  What a pile!  Boy Scouts are coming Saturday to pick up food!

I keep telling myself what a break I am giving my children!   Mainly, what a break I am sharing!

Dr. Bruce Gentry - 10 Years at Baptist Student Center

This weekend we will celebrate the anniversary of Dr. Bruce Gentry on the campus of Southeast Missouri State University.   He has been here for ten years and has served faithfully in his responsibilities.  I have watched the changes that have been made in Baptist Student Center work since I was there as a student many years ago when I went to chapel there every day, took Bible classes from Dr. Tom Messer and Dr. Andy Pratt and met and married my college sweetheart, Bill Stacy, who was also a member there.   We had our first date singing together at a Baptist Student dinner!   So I've seen changes.   And I have had to realize that changes come with the territory and are a part of living!

That leads me to my main point!   It's a quote that I have used and used, "If you don't tell your story, soon people will think that you don't have a story to tell!"   I have had it on my heart for weeks that the story of what the BSC is doing, under the auspices of Bruce Gentry, should be told!   It is worth the doing and the telling!   I tried my best to get someone else to write this story but it fell on deaf ears so I took up the computer keys this morning and began to write.

First, I interviewed Bruce Gentry and I asked him this question:  "In your ten years here, of what are you most proud?"   He did not hesitate, "I have tried to navigate the changes to meet the current needs of the people who come to our doors.   That includes cementing relationships with people who want to take Bible courses, from whatever denomination and I have tried to show hospitality to those who seek a bulwark in the storm or a friendly face, such as international students.   Our ministry is built on teaching, cementing relationships and showing hospitality."   I thought to myself instantly --the focus has not changed one iota.  It was always built on these three foci.

So Bruce, I salute you on your anniversary and I sing your praises.  You have taken the BSC on new paths.  I have watched you fill the Rev. A. B. Cooper Hospitality Room with international students cooking on Sunday nights (hot pots are delicious) and bringing a touch of home to those far-away from home!   I have been there to witness to your enlisting people like Steve and Julie Southard and Kay Story from other faiths into the arms of the BSC by expanding the mission of Christian love.   I have been a part of welcoming groups from Costa Rica and to your strength in ministering to BSC students who plan to continue in ministry and I applaud you.  Congratulations on your ten years here!   You have served with distinction!

Slow Day at the OK Corral

Taking care of business -- not getting too busy at one time --working on calendar and laundry and making calls.  I consider it a good day!

Veterans Day and LeRoy Tarver

It's Veteran's Day!   I remember the years that my brother, Jim, served in Viet Nam and re-reading the letters he sent to Mama.   Those also serve who sit and clench their hands and wait for their loved one to come home and they can start to breathe again.   My grandson, Landon Cheben, just returned from Afghanistan, so I have a recent reminder.   I also had a reminder last week when I attended a visitation for Casey McCausland in St. Louis who came home five years ago with PTS and has spent these year struggling daily with the after-effects.

But my earliest scary Veteran's Day event was when Leroy Tarver was the first person killed in Mississippi County in World War II and his parents, Sam Henderson and Essie Tarver, lived behind our big house on the highway and farmed on the halves with Daddy on garden acreage.   Sam and Essie came to see Daddy and asked him if he would do the service.  He said he would be honored.   Did I say that Sam and Essie and LeRoy were black!   White preachers preached in white churches and black preachers preached in black churches in that time and in Mississippi County!   Some people thought that Daddy should not do this --"Let them get their own people to do this!   Some people around here will not take kindly to this and they are making comments about you doing this and stirring others up."    I was scared to death and I tried to tell my Dad not to go.   He said to me, "When someone fired that gun, they did not ask what color the man was!  I consider this an honor that the family came to me.   There is nothing left to say!"

So, "Cotton Ears", as we all called Leroy, I could say that Daddy did that for you.  But he did it for himself and what he considered to be right.  We all have our mission in life!  

I remember Daddy and Landon and all the other Veteran's today...and their families who sat and waited...

on Veteran's Day!

It's Sunday - theology time!

Yes, I am reading theology this Sunday morning.  I do it every Sunday morning.  I am reading "Everything Belongs" by Richard Rohr on the gift of contemplative prayer.   He has given two quotes that I am pondering  --stripping them mentally into smaller, more digestible parts.  His basic premise is that we all live on the perimeters of what could be more fulfilling lives but we never really step into the circumference of the real life we could lead.  He says:  "We do not think ourselves into new ways of living.  We live ourselves into new ways of thinking."   Or as the vernacular of the day says:  we settle.   Sometimes we settle because we don't think we have options and sometimes we settle because the options are scary and it is easier to do what we have always done.  Do we miss living at its fullness?   Who knows?   We won't ever know what it would have entailed or meant!. 

The Hasidic masters taught their students:  "Rake the muck this way.  Rake the muck that way.It will still be muck.  In the time you are brooding, you could be stringing pearls for the delight of heaven."   I tell myself every day, "Okay, you are seventy-five!   Life is not over for you until you draw your last breath.  No one has a guarantee.   Yesterday I attended a funeral for a soldier who was 27.  There are no guarantees.  If you get up in the morning, use the day.  Stop whining and bitching about family conflicts and old wars!  Take the love you have in your heart and spread it around...with meaning and kindness.   Make a difference -- let someone know that he/she counts in your life....and mean what you say!  Forgive the people who have wronged you and move on.  Quickly.   When you find out that someone thinks you have wronged them, tell them you are sorry and move on.  None too quickly.  Repair what you can repair and move on to other relationships and cement them. " 

You can't begin to string one pearl if you choose to brood in the muck. 

Filming the Hearnes past

I went with a delegation from Kellerman Foundation to Charleston to film Betty Hearnes talking about the past!  She did a great job of remembering and I shopped across the street and was door keeper.  Oh, did I forget to say that Betty and I are sisters and despite my white hair, she is older than I am!!!!  I will continue to keep my sister's secret about that!   Thanks to Aaron, Kathleen and especially Annie Criddle of the Foundation for making this happen!

Sass for your supper!

Last night I went to Olive Garden with John Bierk (and his diatribes) and Audrey Reynolds!  What a laughing load of crap! I piled it on a lot lighter than the other two or we would still be there harassing the waiters!  I love John but he is a pain to those who think foolishly that he is "normal" !   What fool would think that?

I don't belong in that category!  So rave on, my beloved friend!