A word from Rob Mehner

"We need to build relational bridges strong enough to carry the truth.  Too often we try to drive truckloads of truth across rickety bridges of relationship."  This spoke to me today when I read it.  As I have wrestled with the pangs of hurt that have come to me in the last years, I realize that I have built bridges that were not strong enough, in my mind, to support an outpouring of truth.  I came from a pastor's house, a politician's mileau, and a college president's residence  --all of them required putting your best face forward and hiding the flaws from the world.   Yes, when I was young, we were told not to tell that our oldest brother was an alcoholic.  It was not being deceitful;  it was keeping private things out of the public realm.  And I played my part in maintaining a reputation for every one of them...and all of us!   It was the "family" thing to do!

When I went through a divorce, there were rumors of other women and I was devastated that people were laughing and talking.  My husband and I had spent a life and career standing up for the right way to live and act and I could not allow all of that to stand for nothing.  Even when the provost wrote what a fictionalized version, I would not be a part of any of the gossip that surrounded it.

These words from Rob came home to roost --I know that many of the current age of letting it all hang out will disagree, and I know that they will judge me guilty of continuing to drive truckloads of truth across rickety bridges, but I am not certain that that is the best way for me.   Some may call it coverup, lying, deceit and putting your head in the sand.  I call it deciding what bridge I want to travel on and which one will be most supportive in the end.  

There are no answers that stand the test of time.  There are only choices to be made and dealt with.  Sometimes the bridge comes tumbling down in the light of truth.  But sometimes, the bridge continues to function because the truth never demands to come out for all the world to proclaim, denounce, and move on laughing about the debris it has left behind.