In 1947 a film came out called Out of the Past with Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer. It was a classic film but who knew that! I went to the McCutchen Theatre to watch Robert Mitchum snarl his lip and to see how beautiful Jane Greer was. But I remember how the film kept focusing on how we can't escape our past. I knew that! My mother reminded us all the time that "you can't escape your raising."
This week has been a heck of a challenge. Like everyone else, there are parts of my life that I have pigeon-holed and forgotten to the best of my ability. That mainly concerns two people who have hurt me badly to the point that I have written them off and have done it successfully for years. They have no interaction, mentally or conversationally, with me and the world in which I currently live. And that is the way I want it. But, this week, out of the blue, each one of them called me. I was too stunned or conditioned or calm to slam the phone down on them. I talked to both of them--not really talked, just listened to see why they had called and why they thought that they could dial my number without facing a withering response. To tell you the truth, I didn't care enough to wither.
When I put the phone down, both times, I questioned what I could remember of the conversations. Why did I listen to one word from either of these people I had long since put in the "Pondscum" category? I don't know the answers. I can't even remember half of the conversation. All I really know is that what Mama said is true --you can't escape your raising! You can run but you can't hide!
Your past remains a part of your present! For me, for sure!
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