Friday, February 28, 2014

Old stories and friends are the best!

Last night I went out for drinks with Greg and Barb Brune and Ron Hines and we all worked together, in the same building, at Semo University for years!  In one second, it was just the same and we didn't have to finish sentences or mince words! The stories flowed!  Many of them were about Coach Shumate who has to be the most colorful coach we ever had!

We have two stories we always tell!  When he ran over and killed his kids pups and , in an effort to keep his kids from knowing, he went out and bought two more dad hinds.  He was not prepared for his kids yelling, "That is not Jack"!   Then when he was fired and came to Greg's office and broke Down!   Greg came to get me and I was on the floor talking to him for nearly an hour!   Greg was looking at the ceiling while, in his words, " my religion kicked in"!

What a crew!  What a wonderful crew!


Thursday, February 27, 2014

Where does belief quit and logic set in? Or is there a point?

This is surely a time for everyone to realize that he/she is a theologian.  The woods are full of people who are demanding that the government express their belief---An Arizona governor vetoed a bill yesterday that party members passed and then three of them came and asked her to veto.   Our Missouri senator filed the same sort of liberty-seeking, liberty-quenching (depending on your view) yesterday.   But the truth is, as I see it, people are not changed by rulings--and seldom changed by society.  What they believe, they believe sincerely, even when the majority dictates that they are wrong.   It's like the old saying, "My mind is made up.  Don't confuse me with the facts!"

Take the story of the snake handler.  Three days after pastor Jamie Coots died from a rattlesnake bite, mourners left the mortuary and went to the church to handle snakes.  He was a third generation "handler" and his son is taking over so I don't see any lessons being learned down the line.  Ralph Hood, a professor of psychology at Un of Tennessee, Chattanooga said it best:  "People think they will stop handling snakes because someone got bit, but its just the opposite.  It reaffirms their faith"!

Whatever turns you on!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Sweet By and By

I like the song.  It's not sad and it talks about Heaven.  I told my niece the other afternoon that when you get to be 75, you walk with death every day.  It is a part of natural living.   It is everywhere and every day you get up and feel good, you better count your blessings.  And I do!

If I feel like being up and at'em, I get up and at'em and make the day count.   I don't know what Heaven will be like and I didn't know what being born on earth was going to be like.   But I am going to make the days count for something.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Manna from heaven

In Exodus we read where God told Moses that he would send manna from heaven that would feed his people and the people went out, in the dew of the morning, and found food.   There have been many theories on what kind of food it was and who put it there and was it a part of the natural cycle and on and on.  There are theories about everything and anything and one must decide, on most issues, what one chooses to believe in light of all the theories.  But I choose to believe one thing:  God provides for me when I am in desperate need.  I'm living proof that he does.

He did when I was young and I have not one doubt that he will take me through.   Sometimes, I don't recognize the manna that is out there for me.  Sometimes I give it another name.  Sometimes it does not come in the dew of the morning and sometimes it is something that I am not prepared to take into my system.  But God provides manna from heaven for me.  And you!  Of that, I am certain.

The rest is gravy.  I can choose to put it on my manna or throw it down the disposal.

Monday, February 24, 2014

The Legacy of Lou Sewell

I loved Lou Sewell  --he has pulled me out of hot spots at the University on several occasions when I needed a dose of calm.  In fact, I never saw him when he was uncalm!  Unfortunately, he could not say the same about me.  I loved his laughter within the calm.  He never ran to avoid me;  he just took me as I was and dealt with my worries and frets and stews.   I was better when he was around!  And so were the other Homecoming Steering Advisors who dealt with problems by throwing up their hands!

Today, I went to First Presbyterian Church, to say "goodbye" to Lou Sewell and to give my condolences to Betty and the rest of the family.   As I walked in I saw the stalwarts of First Presby --Joan Gohn, Nancy Bray and Judy Brown--who were hostesses and then I visited with old friends, Ray and Ann Ritter, Sam and Lisa Bishop, on and on.  Visitation and funerals are held to allow people to say goodbye and it is wonderful when people show their courtesy and love by dressing up and getting to the church on time.

My love to Betty and to all of our mutual friends who took a Monday morning to say goodbye.  Lou, you have made a mark on so many lives.  I hope you knew this.   I hope I told you along the way!

A single, solitary memory

I am certain that most people think that when you work in a University for over 30 years and advise the Homecoming Steering Committee that all the memories are blurred when it comes to individuals but that is not the case.  Some people stand out in your memory because of who they are or what they did or didn't do or for some other reason.   One of these, to me, was Dr. Gina Bufe.   She was on the Steering Committee, did her work, we vibed with each other and she was a gymnast on one of our Hall of Fame teams.  

She worked in New York and then, two days ago, I got a message from her.   She had gotten her Ph. D from Saint Louis University.  We mailed out my Hall of Fame book to all the inductees and she got it and she said she was back in St. Louis  (Professor of Nursing at Maryville University).   I was so thrilled to hear from her and we will get together in St. Louis.   And yes, she loved the book!

Memories are strange like that.  There are memories that fail to distinguish one person you have met from the conglomerate and that is okay and natural.  But the memories that rise to the forefront when a name is mentioned do their rising because of the uniqueness of the individual to another person.  I'm glad Gina Bufe came into my life and I'm glad she chose to stay there.


Sunday, February 23, 2014

Tacenda, a course of action!

I learned a new word yesterday  --tacenda, pronounced "ta chen da".  My old friend and neighbor, Jim McCausland, sent it to me.  It is a noun which means "better left unsaid;  matters to be passed over in silence".  Have most of us been there, done that!  You bet!  And we should have been there, done that more, probably.

Here on a Sunday morning, I am mindful about what the Bible says about the same thing.   I read (maybe for the first time) James 3:1-18:  "For we all stumble in many ways.  And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.  If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.  Look at the ships also, though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.  So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.  How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!"

So, know when to put the bit in your mouth and bite down hard!  Especially when tacenda is the better course for your ship to embark on!  Keep an eye on your own rudder!


Saturday, February 22, 2014

I feel the love..

I live in a world of Cape Girardeau by myself!  My children live elsewhere where they don't drop in so I am dependent on friends for social needs and conversation eye to eye!  And I have abundant riches! 

Yesterday I had our regular lunch with Jane Stephens, who was provost, and Loretta Prater, who was dean!  And we laughed and laughed about all things!   It is our way of venting about stuff...just face it and laugh it off!  Loretta has incredible sadness in her son being killed by police in Chattanooga and Jane and I have been thru divorces!  We all came thru it by coming thru it a day at a time!

Here's to friendship--we weren't born into it but we carved it out for ourselves!  And it's a good thing!

Friday, February 21, 2014

A word of encouragement...

You never know when you will find a word of encouragement!  Often it comes from out of the blue from someone you would never expect and then it is doubly appreciated!  And this is what happened to me!

I have been writing my blog a long time and I was getting tired of the regimen so I wrote that I was going to cease and desist with it!  Out of the blue, a person with a high stress job, wrote in to say that she started every day reading it and she identified with me on so many planes of thought!  It gave me a lift I needed and still remember!

Last night Sandy Moore and I went out to dinner and there will be many more of them!  She was there for me and I shall never forget her dish of encouragement!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Down to the basics...

Two days ago they started redoing my downstairs bathroom and the sledge hammers came out in force with the dust permeating every inch of the house!   Now I walk in and it is bare bones ugly!

And that is life!  Strip it down to the nubs, take the personal decorations to the trash heap and then put it back  together in a new way in order to meet your needs for the time!    I will spend today with the barebones and get a leaky shower replaced as well as worn out fixtures!  Then I can start anew  with the new!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Remembering David Brewer

I loved high school and growing up in Charleston and my friends!  That is why I have a hard time giving them up even if I have not seen them in years!  David has been sick for years and I have not seen him!  Yet a sadness hit me in the gut as I learned of his passing!  A part of me is missing!

I wanted to put the picture of the class officers of our class of 1956 on FB:  David, me, Carolyn Howlett and Linny brown!  Carolyn looks perfect! It was a great time to be growing up!  I learned to be a friend and I learned to value friendships!  I still do!

So David, rest in peace!  The memories live on!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

A new bathroom and shower

It is starting today!  A new bathroom to replace a bathroom that is old beyond its years!  It will also allow me to stay in the house when I can't go up the steps and that would be a good thing!

But I hate the noise, the inconvenience and the change factor and I hate mess in the house!  But it is all a part of it!  Nothing stays the same!  I have to accept that in every phase of my life!  And I am getting there!  So stay out of my mind, disruption and disorder, and know there's a brighter and cleaner and more modern bathroom ahead!  

Monday, February 17, 2014

Pancakes and syrup

Last night I cooked pancakes for the International students at Baptist union!  No griddles just on top of stove watching for the bubbles to rise up and burst!  Pitching the duds!  And it is a one person deal!  

What I learned, besides the fact that Indian students devour pancakes, is that when you have real maple syrup it requires 40 gallons of sap for one gallon of syrup!  I guess the decision may be is the effort worth it in the end when a bottle of syrup is so accessible, easy and cheap!

That is the question of the day for everything!  Thanks, Dan Abernot, for your lesson on Canada and syrup!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Woody and Katy Proctor

One of the things I miss about not going to church is seeing the same familiar faces week after week!  After our church broke up, the congregation went their separate ways and I lost track of so many friends!  Like Woody and Katy Proctor!  She ran the church kitchen like a master chef!

This morning I saw a clipping where they had been married 72 years!   I'm sorry I missed out on the last years but I remember some wonderful years with them and I remember her apron!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Happy Valentines day!

I had a good day!  Started out visiting with a bunch of other retired semo faculty at Cup and Cork:  lea and Harvey Hecht, Sam Duncan, Georganne Syler,Anne Marietta and me and we posed for FB!

Then I got yellow roses from Mark, a card from Sara and a text from Jim!  It was complete!

Friday, February 14, 2014

Friends --make changes!

Last night I went out to eat with Rick Althaus and Brenda Johnson to Saffrons and we went down Memory lane!  Rick and I were buddies at semo and at first baptist church but I haven't seen him in years!  In the conversation, I said I didn't go to church anymore and the floodgates opened and he said the same and for the same reasons!   He had walked down my same path and I felt unburdened!  I think he did too!

That is what friendship is!  Finding commonalities and camaraderie in its midst!  I am glad to have Rick and Brenda back in my life!  They are special to me and I missed the vacuum they left!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The art of neighboring

Yesterday I brewed a pot of coffee and Tammy Baldwin brought muffins and we sat in the living room and visited!  Yes we live across the street from each other and we wave or yell to each other but we seldom dedicate time to talk!  And it was good!

It is good to have neighbors and to be one!  It makes for a more secure living and feeling!  Jesus talked about it often so he knew its value!  I think about Francine Seier and Peggy Tinsley, both long gone and how I depended on them! Neighbors make each day a better day!

Thanks Tammy and Henry for being there!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A big day for Semo!

I like to keep my hand in development work and so does the office like me too!  There are some people who speak only with me and it matters not a whit that I am retired!  They want me to listen and advise!  And that was the case yesterday with Harlan Smothers!  He gave me some information, I passed it on and nothing happened and then I was asked to set up something!  

Susan went with me and the scene played out to everyone's advantage!  We all came out if it with better understandings!   When that happens, you know you made a difference and it is a positive to everyone!


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Day of deeds

Yesterday I spent hours in semo athletic office signing my autograph in my books for hall of Fame!  I am so proud of the book because it captures so many memories that would have been lost!  I know that no matter if I am the only one who realizes it!

Then Matt porter picked me up and we went to Walmart to buy Hassan a desk and Jonas, from China, a desk!  Now I hope Hassan, who has my international scholarship, has the tools to put it together!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Forgetting the key...

Last night was horrific but I came out of it.  I cooked at home to take the food to Baptist Student Center for the International Students and Matt Porter came to pick me up.  Like an idiot, I locked the door and forgot my purse.  So when Matt brought me home at 8, I could not find the outside key and we had to call a locksmith.  We sat in the truck for an hour and waited and then he came.  He was professional, sitting on a bucket, using an invention of a flashlight, and we finally got in.   Matt was great and stayed with me through it all and I was never so glad to be in my house.

It brought back such warm thoughts.   How lucky I am to have people who care about me like Matt, and Bruce Gentry and then, when I put my idiocy on FB, how many people wrote back, Henry and Tammy Sessoms were out in the cold calling a locksmith for me and coming over.  Lynette Williamson texted me that she would come over and get me.  As the word went forth, I felt a camaderie about even a simple little thing about being locked out of my house.

And the message that Bruce Gentry gave at Chapel came through:  Friendship.  He used the story of Elijah and Elisha and how Elisha refused to let the great prophet go.  That's what friendship is.  The point I took with me, that I had never encountered mentally, was his connection with the passage in John when Christ said "Love your neighbor!"  No following the mounds of Scripture or religious tradition --just love your neighbor!  I hope that I can remember that foremost!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Get a grip on yourself!

), Okay, the days in the house are beginning to suck big-time.  I have cleaned out drawers, watched endless amounts of television.  I have also tried to be constructive--I have taken my cell phone contact list, eliminated some people I haven't heard from in years, and put photographs on most of those remaining.  I know it is stupid but I want to remember them until dementia sets in!

Then I thought of an old slogan in my household in Charleston:  Get a grip.  I am going to do just that till winter passes me by.  I looked to the computer for information and they gave me ten ways to do that:  Pen it down (I do that already!  Focus on one thing. Budget some spare time.  Stop controlling everything. Don't overworry.  Take short breaks.  Cut out the non-essentials.  Buy time  (If someone else can do it, let them!)
Just say No.  Enjoy the weekend.

So how does that help me get a grip!  I need to write down what I want to accomplish today --even little bitty stuff like carrying out the trash and then marking it off.  So at the end of the day, I know that I have accomplished something.  I can't just sit at home all day and feel sorry for myself when my life has been good all along and will be when this enforced sitting at home is over!  Get a grip!

Saturday, February 8, 2014

So tired of being housebound!

I have been in this house for 5 days and my driveway is still an ice rink.   Heather came today and she had to park on the street!  I am ready for Spring!   I am stuck--what would I do without the telephone and Facebook.  Mark Stacy tells me to stay in and not to venture out - I do not want to break my hip.

Drat this frigging weather!

Friday, February 7, 2014

What they tell you about "unfriendly" divorces?

 When my husband, Bill, and I got a divorce, I was so hurt that I wanted to blot out all traces and connections with his family.  And I got my way!  The trouble was that it robbed me of years of conversations with my brothers-in law, their wives at the time, their children and all familial ties.   Gradually, the kids all came back to me on Facebook and I became a minor part of their lives.  And that was better than nothing!  So Robin, Sherri and Christy became mine again!

Today Sherri wrote that today is her dad, Chuck's birthday!   How I loved Chuck and Lynn, Bill's brother...and I still silently do.  I wish I had been mature enough to keep up with them.  O yes, I justified that it would be better this way!  Better for who!  Divorce does not just hurt the principals involved; and their children;  it hurts all the connections that have made you family!   We were married 30 years --the same was true of Bill...who missed 30 years of suffering through deaths, births, congratulations,all the things that come with family.   It is not important, in the end, what made the decision happen;  it happened.  But the calamitous results still affected many, many people in a negative way

Happy birthday, Chuck!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

I'm a development person!

I am a development person --I raise money for causes which I believe are good and worthy!  I provide access and ideas that will allow people to be able to put "feets to their prayers".  This is a good profession and I am proud to be a part of it.   So I am working on a letter with Missouri Delta Hospital asking people for donations for "Mama Cooper's Closet".  It is a joy to be involved.

My dad, Rev. A. B. Cooper, taught me that.  He would see an area that needed their own community church and he would get out, raise the funds, and supervise the building.  Last week, I attended a funeral service in Charleston and a man came up to shake my hand, told me he went to church at Bement and he wanted to thank me for having such a father.

Mama Cooper's Closet will be the same!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Snow Day!

It is here....again!   Everything, including the University, is shut down!   No one can get in or out of 1209 N. Henderson so I am contentedly writing, cooking barbecue in crock pot, doing laundry and not dealing with interruptions.  There are none.  I am presuming that everyone is enjoying the white stillness which permeates the houses with lights on each side of the street.  It's a good thing!  But don't let it last too long!




Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Limbaugh Show

Limbaughs discuss integration in Cape Girardeau

Tuesday, February 4, 2014


(Photo)
U.S. District Judge Stephen N. Limbaugh Jr. speaks Monday about the 10-year period between the Supreme Court's ruling on Brown v. Board of Education and the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act during a presentation on integration in Cape Girardeau and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 at the Cape Girardeau Public Library.
(Adam Vogler) [Order this photo]
Local civil rights history is similar in many respects to most of the Midwest and South, but Cape Girardeau holds the distinction of having integrated after the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education ruling rather than waiting for the U.S. Civil Rights Act 10 years later.
The story was part of an hourlong Monday afternoon presentation by U.S. District Judge Stephen Limbaugh Jr. and his father, retired Senior U.S. District Judge Stephen Sr., who reviewed the legal, political and social scenarios of a half-century ago.
The younger Limbaugh said his grandfather, Rush Limbaugh Sr., was demoted from chairing an American Bar Association human rights committee because he supported desegregation.
"A fellow from Mississippi thought he was a little too progressive," Limbaugh told 40 people in the Oscar Hirsch Community Room at the Cape Girardeau Public Library.
"The Supreme Court said the schools should desegregate with all deliberate speed, but the southern states didn't do it."
(Photo)
U.S. District Judge Stephen N. Limbaugh Jr. speaks about the ten year period between the Supreme Court's ruling on Brown v. Board of Education and the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act during a presentation on Integration in Cape Girardeau and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 Monday, Feb. 3, at the Cape Girardeau Public Library. Limbaugh's father, retired U.S. District Judge Stephen N. Limbaugh Sr., also spoke during the program, discussing his personal recollections of integration in Cape Girardeau.
(Adam Vogler)
Limbaugh said his grandfather advocated integrating incrementally until Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wrote his "Letter from Birmingham Jail" in April 1963.
"This was Dr. King's response to the people who said, 'Let's go slowly,'" he said, reading. "'When you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments, when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of nobodiness, then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait.'"
Noting the early 1960s began the television age, Limbaugh said, "The tide started to turn, and the white people of the northern states put pressure on Congress.
"Lyndon Johnson became president, and things started happening."
The elder Limbaugh said the southern states kept black people in such a disadvantageous position for a century after President Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation in 1864 to maintain a source of cheap labor for the production of cotton.
"What was it like in Cape Girardeau in the 1930s, '40s and '50s?" he asked. "There was total discrimination. Education and religion were entirely white."
Limbaugh Sr. said 100 to 120 black children, kindergarten through the 12th grade, attended the John Cobb School two blocks east of the old Central High School, but to its credit the school board integrated in 1954.
"There was a little oval swimming pool in the old Fairgrounds Park," he said. "It was not very sanitary, and every 30 days they drained and cleaned it. On the 29th and 30th of each month, when it was like the Mississippi, that was the blacks' opportunity for recreation."
Limbaugh said the only movie theater for black people was the Orpheum, where they could sit in the balcony two nights a week.
Ed Pike graduated from Cape Girardeau Central High School in 1958 after enrolling as a freshman with the first black students in 1954.
"It was like 'The Invisible Man,'" Pike said, referring to a 1952 novel.
"We had problems, but we worked it out. It was the newness of it."
One of the participants, Jane Stacy, said Monday's program "was excellent."
"It brought back a lot of memories," Stacy said. "We integrated in Charleston in 1956 with eight students."
John Bierk said it would have been better had Pike, who offered other details during the question-and-answer period, been part of a panel. "It would have been nice if we had had the man who has obviously been through all this," Bierk said.
He said the judges "gave lots of information in terms of the legal aspects and the local situation.
"The local situation was probably characteristic of situations in all parts of the state," he said.
Library director Betty Martin said the program stemmed from Black History Month and the library's "citywide read" of Carolyn Maull McKinstry's book "While the World Watched: A Birmingham Bombing."
Pertinent address:
711 N. Clark Ave., Cape Girardeau, MO

Monday, February 3, 2014

The Limbaugh Duo

I went with Frank Nickell today to lunch and then went to Cape Library to hear the two Limbaughs speak and was it a knockout speech.   People responded quickly and stayed involved as they remembered the days when blacks gave up their second class citizenship.  Mary Kasten was there and I remembered the days of the Civic Center and people working together.  It was a wonderful afternoon to remember when the government did what was right and took the heat.

Politics --each party--has rotten apples in their buckets...Partisans know who their good apples and bad apples are.   The Limbaughs and the Cooper-Stacy-Hearnes family have always been friends!   Steve Jr. told the audience today that Warren Hearnes appointed Rush Sr. to the Mo. Commission of Human Rights!  Who would have been better?  I hate it that parties have lost this mutual respect regardless of party.  I am not playing that game --it is not worth the playing in the end!






Sunday, February 2, 2014

Caroline Myss --a new thought-maker to me....



You may be familiar with Caroline Myss but I was not until I received a quote from someone over Facebook.  I liked it and I wanted to know more about her.  She is a New York Times best-selling author and renowned speaker in mysticism and spirituality, among other subjects.   But here is her quote which held on to me:  "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself;  the challenge is to silence the mind."

I don't know (or care) what she really meant to say;  I only care to know why it appealed to me and why it spoke to me.   And that is thought-provoking.  I know that the Lord, in my reasoning, sends messages to me in strange ways when I am in need of them.  I am in need of them today.  That is a constant need.  When I face a problem, I know what to do and what is right;  the problem is that my mind intercedes to bombard me with excuses as to why I should do nothing or the old favorite, "Just say nothing.  It will either work itself out or it won't!"  And nothing happens.  Because my mind has shut down on "Hold".  And that is the Chicken's Way!

We have constant war in my immediate family anymore and I say to myself, "Self, take yourself out of this.  Abdicate now and let them slug it out till I die or they do!"  And then I hear something that keeps me up all night about how one of the principals involved, who could ease the situation, won't open her mouth and shies away from standing up for what she knows is right....and justifies her conduct.   Do I speak to her?  Or do I sit here and say that I would have no effect on her or the situation?  My soul knows what needs to be done to heal the situation.  I wish I had the guts to quit silencing my mind!


















































































































Friday, January 31, 2014


Elgin McMikle...a professional in every way

I am going to Charleston today to pay tribute to Elgin McMikle--our undertaker/friend.   For all these years he has been there when I have been called home to say goodbye to one of my family members.  I knew I would see his comforting face and deal with his professionalism in the details about the funeral and burial.  He would go the second mile in every funeral to try to meet the family needs--no matter how big the family was.  I knew that my requests carried the same weight with him as any other sibling
.  And that is important when you are one of six girls and two boys and when some of them knew Elgin better and longer than I did.  He was there for me....and I knew it and felt it.   "Does this suit you?" he would say each time and I would have to say yes...and mean it.

In a small town, the funeral director is a part of living.  Whether he chooses to slop up a service or slap something together to get by is important to a family who is grieving.  Elgin  knew when to speak up and when to keep silent.  He gave you options and choices.  But he gave you at best --a sense that the trappings of a death would be better and more bearable because he was there!   Thanks, Elgin, for

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Relationships take effort...

I saw this on my Facebook this morning and it came at the "right" time :  "If people don't make an effort to be in your life, don't try so hard to be in theirs.  It's not worth the effort!"

I sat back with my cup of coffee and debated with myself and I came to the conclusion that there was a lot of common sense in that basic statement.  I have chastised myself, time and time again, for trying so hard to win over family members who chose to remain distant from me.....when I had been there  (in a monstrous way) for them.  Finally, my 75th birthday party was my Waterloo!   You showed up or you didn't!  And if you didn't, and you didn't manage to send a card or a text or an email, go on your way without whining.  You failed Waterloo 101.

I came and I conquered problem after problem...for all of the family  ...and I won some and I lost some....but I CAME!   Now, after Waterloo 101,

I am free to pick and choose relationships without even a hint of malice or aforethought.  Relationships take effort....but first they take a desire to maintain that relationship on both sides.  One-sided relationships are like the pits.

Besides, they keep a person from concentrating on relationships that are there for the long haul....in sickness and in health, for birthday parties, for joys and the sorrows of the day,  etc.