The Presence of Boundaries

I think that most people in the world have heard of this book "Boundaries" written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend but I just bought it at Barnes and Noble on Sunday.   I haven't heard of it till late but I have lived it and I am alive and well because I have established and kept some boundaries.  I have been besieged these last years by family problems which I took on because I was needed but as I realized that my life was going down the tubes (thanks to some wonderful friends, and my children who "confronted" me, I decided to establish some boundaries.  

I was amazed when I read the book at how I did (by instinct) all the things that the book suggests that one do to deal with and set boundaries.   Definition:  Boundaries are personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and influence all areas of your life.   First, I was taught, rightly or wrongly, that when family call, you try to answer that call and help.   First, I had to decide whether this call was mine to respond to.  Does the caller have children that need to do this helping?  Does the caller need help in the first place?   Is it helpful, or does it make it worse, to even listen to the caller?   My confrontational group says the sum of all the calls was making me spend all my conversation and efforts in helping someone else, who was unhappily ugly in their response!   They insisted that I put up boundaries which demanded that I stop listening and start living my own life again!  The authors say:  "Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries."    I am guilty of this.   I have responsibility only for my life.  What others do is their problem with their own boundaries!    Others have no right to intrude in my life, unless I have  invited them in!  I decide the visitor's list on this!

Proverbs 14:10 says:  "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no one shares its joy."  The authors go on to say that we have to deal with what is "in our soul" and boundaries help us define what it is.   I intend to live out my life deciding what is my heart's desire and not what someone else thinks I should do with all my time.   I have learned, from sad experience, that in the end, even when you are willing to give up your 24-7, very few appreciate your kindness and sacrifice.   I do not want to live in bitterness;  I want to live in joy.  Experience is a great teacher for teaching the necessity for boundaries.