And the decs come down!

I love to see the house decorated for Xmas but on New Year's Eve, I am ready for it to come down! Meleia came today and started the inside!

Then Greg Lowry came by and did all the outside and carried stuff upstairs and the house looks naked! I love it!

I plan to eat a bowl of soup and break in the new guest!

Sunday morning going home

I hate it when the kids start home and I have to watch them drive off so I preserve the sacred moments of their visit.. Coffee morning with Mark!

Blizzard in cape

So pretty to look at and not bad to be out in! Shipped today with crew!

Tina Stacy

Morning glory with coffee with Tina. Much conversation and fun!

Andrea Stacy

Having wonderful time!

Waiting for Mark and Tina and Andrea

So the salt is out in the driveway and I have been to My Daddy's Cheesecake for a tray of dessert so I am getting ready.  The blizzard has hit and we are driving through it now.  Debbie came and did my hair and Meleia came and cleaned the house today.  So I am ready.  So it is my time to do so thinking about coming through the travails of Christmas with little scathing!   

Someone sent me this on Facebook:  "Faith is the bridge between where I am and the place God is taking me."   It gave me pause to think.  I have to put this down to think about as I deal with resolutions.   So many people are going through hardships.  I need to keep reminding myself that my problems could be so much worse....and have been!

It's Christmas Day!

 It's a strange Christmas Day!  Going to Annie Finnegan's for dinner (lunch) and taking corn casserole, cocoanut cream pie and green salad to go with her ham.  We will be well fed when the day is over.  Jordan and Greg have been here trying to fix my fireplace.  It is on the frits!

And the Blizzard landed!

So the blizzard is here.  And we are stranded in our houses.  Can't believe how long last night was!  This has not been the greatest Christmas I remember or even close to it so I just want it to go away and forget about it! 

So I need to start on some resolutions and get some new ideas in place!  I have situations all around me that I can do nothing about and I don't want to deal with any longer.   Maybe God is just saying that he is putting out a fresh ground cover for me!

Christmas Eve

On Friday, they buried Bill Jordan (here shown with Rose Marie Cooper, and their grandchildren, Nathan and LiYan.   It reminded me of Christmas eves in Charleston when Rose Marie and I ususlly got the same thing from Santa.   We thought Santa had a limit of one or two things and my favorite was  Betsy Wetsy Doll.  No one got tons of stuff or no one I knew got tons of stuff.

I can't remember what Jim ever got from Santa.  He should have gotten coal for some of his antics.  Jennie usually got clothes.   The food was wonderful at Christmas lunch and so were the amount of dishes to be washed.

It was a fun time and a fun time to remember!

Saturday Night without a fever

Joan Gohn and I went out for our Christmas dinner to Red Lobster last night and enjoyed it including the wait.  Everything was packed.  I had cocoanut shrimp and it was delicious although my face turned red.  Allergies happen.  Santa has a red nose also which Joan pointed out.   Visited with people along the way including Dutch Meyr.

We ended up at Lenscrafter so Joan could pick up her contacts.   Annie was there furiously working.  This is her last day before Christmas I think but business is going well with new doctor there.   I'm going out after Christmas and get an exam.

Layne is working at Wet Seal and Jordan is working at Andy's.  They, definitely, have the work ethic.  And it will serve them well!

The Power of Friends

It was a night to write home about.  Four of us who have worked at SEMO University for quarter of century got together  and had a blast at Olive Garden.  Believe me, no one was safe!  Bev Hickam who was my secretary for years and then went on to bigger and better things, Kathleen Theiss Butler, who worked for Juan and Diane Sides and Barb Kinsey, who worked for Athletics and me at Alumni.  The stories rolled!  So did the memories.

I came home and thought about these three females and how much fun and how much I have learned from each of them.  They never forgot that I was first their friend and they didn't hesitate to let me have it skillfully.  How lucky I have been to have each of them in my life!   These are the bonds of which life is made!

Central Jazz Christmas Concert

Enjoyed going to hear Holly and her friends sing --Her director was Jordan Cox--Robert Cox Jr. was his father.   Holly is great and fits in with everyone.   She is so darling!

I love the News on Television!

Just shows how stupid the people we send to Washington are!   I am fascinated by the happenings!  Mark Stacy inherited this love from me and he is just as fascinated by it!   Last night I was thrilled to know that His highness John Boehner did not have the votes to get his own bill passed and Eric Cantor (greasing up to replace him) was letting it happen!  Go for it, all of your twirps!  When you deal with dishonesty, it hits you in the face!

MSNBC is my very favorite -- Lawrence ODonnell is my man -- only because he worked in Senate so long he even wrote West Wing.    The Democrats don't have to go after the conservative Republicans --they can and will implode by themselves!   And they walk in packs --just like wolves!   Go home and have Christmas  --Jim Demint is going back to South Carolina and making a mint off of Heritage Foundation and all the other Tea Party people are back to their plotting grounds.

George Washington might have thought differently if he could have foreseen this and Tom Jefferson would have been a barrister in England.  C'mon people, elect some people with some sense and some ethics.

Shad Burner visit

I love Shad Burner --Bernie boy!   He became Alumni Director after I was there and we always hit it off.   Sure he is 40 years younger than I am but we always could laugh with each other.  And still can!  He shows up at my doorstop with my diet coke in hand and we visit!  Today was the day!

When I see him, I start laughing and thinking what I can talk to him about.   He can't fake me out so there is no need of pretending to be enchanted by the old lady.   He has been through several promotions yesterday and I like what he is telling me about the new job!  

We have always liked the same people in alumni work and put up with some others.   Keeping your likes and dislikes the same is bonding and gives people  a jumping off place for laughter and ridicule.  He makes me feel human, not old or decrepit but human!   Like I said -- I love Shad Burner --Bernie boy!   And I love it that he remembers to stop by with a decaf coke with a shot of cherry!

One day, I hope that someone he likes will do the same for him!

Sandy Hook and Gun Control

I can't believe the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Conn. this last week.   And I can't believe the fervor it has touched on.   When do my rights collide with another's?   It is a question that is difficult to answer.   I do not have a gun so I don't think that this is a ramming tool!  Law is open to interpretation and yet, those children had a right to grow up and have lives.   They are the ones who have lost in this issue!  

The indignity of all of this reduces all of us to a selfish, self-centered society.   My brother, Autry, was a drunk and it took all of us to keep him from getting into a car and killing others.   Families have problems but guns have added to those problems. 

How many people knew that this boy was an accident waiting to happen!  Did the mother know?   I have heard nothing about a father?  Did he wash his hands of the whole deal?   Few live their lives in a cocoon.   I pray for every child who is anticipating such a move and hope that something or someone will intervene.   The price is way too heavy for society!

Wednesday shopping with Meleia

APnnie bought me a new mattress for Christmas and it is wonderful.  I can't wait to give my old mattress away.   I am in the Christmas spirit.   Went to greenhouse on campus and bought two Xmas cactus for Alton Bray and Fern Harris and we delivered them.   It helps me cope with loneliness.   Met Duane Locher this morning at Greenhouse, saw Denise Pingel again, and it felt good and Trudy Lee.  So nice to see alumni and friends.

I need to have a check up and see if I can do anything about my memory.  I can't remember names anymore and I can't remember whether people are alive or dead!  Never thought that it would happen to me.

Plan to spend the day wth Annie and her family and hope that it all works out.  I know I need people around me and I need to get out in the car instead of watching television all day.   My mind needs to be stirred into thinking;  it is latent!

Death of William Henry Bailey Jordan

Today we learned of the death of my brother-in-law, William Henry Bailey Jordan.   He was the husband of my sister, Rose Marie, and the father of James Bailey and Elizabeth Talley Jordan.  All of us looked forward to the vacation when Rose Marie and Bill Jordan would come to Charleston.  No one loved seeing them more than Mama and he would sing for her.

I called my sister, Rose Marie, this morning and we laughed about the olden days.   Bill will be given private military honors at graveside and will be buried with Bach and a baton and a cigar ---tools of his trade!  We always called the Bills by their full name--We had three named Bill (Stacy, Frye and Jordan)  (Only Jordan was in there for the long haul!)  It could have been worse:  we could have had three named:  Joker or Audley.

In spite of getting older, it is nice to remember when we had a different cast of characters!  And Bill Jordan believed in music and he believed in playing golf.  Mark Stacy will be going down for the funeral and Rose Marie is so delighted that he is coming down!  Durham is four hours from Greer.

jonathan Schlitt, at&T St. Louis

I stopped by St. Louis to get a new phone last week on my way home from the Mansion party and was talking to the person who waited on me:  Jonathan Schlitt, asst. store manager and SEMO alumnus.  I took his pic and took his card.  It ws the AT&T in Chesterfield and his email address is js843u@att.com.

Phone num is 314.602.9258

I talked to him about the Monthly meetings in St. Louis and he is interested.

John, Bill and Jane Show

John Bierk, Bill Prost and I go out to eat about every three months to shoot the breeze and catch up.   We just went thru our Christmas ritual.

 

So they show up with presents and chocolate truffles and coffee and I have to buy the dinner --never even thought of presents.  We always go to Bella Italia and feast.   We could get one entree and go for all three of us....but I would have to eat after them!  No way, Jose!

 

Bill is still actively working.  Thank goodness John and I are over that.  He volunteers at the hospital.  I am writing a book.   Hope it is over and printed soon!

 

Merry Christmas, fellow travelers and insulters extraordinaire!

#3 Can I ever understand the Doctrine of God?

T,hat goes without saying and the answer is "No". But that does not mean that one throws in the towel and lets it go.   In dealing with theology, we start with what we can fathom and move from there.   For instance, what can I comprehend about God?

God is seven things:   Spirit, person, life, self-existent, unchanging, unlimited by time and space, a unity.  On this Sunday morning, with images on every television of the horror in Connecticut, I choose to find a moment of serenity and think about God in each of these seven ways.  It allows me a chance to know that God is still on his throne, no matter how scary the world feels.

The Governor (Dan Malloy) said last night, "We have faith for a reason!"

Christmas at the Mansion

Annie Finnegan and I drove up to Jefferson City to go to the party at the Mansion and we had a great time.   So much fun.  Loved seeing everyone and the decorations.   Took a picture with the portrait of Betty Hearnes. Took some outside pictures.

Another Gunman invades a School!

I came home from Jefferson City and immediately turned on the television to the news of a gunman and a shooting of 28 people at Newtown, Ct.   I can't think of anything else except the Sandy Hook Elementary School.   Twenty of these were between 6 and 10.   So sad.   I can't think of anything but these families.

God, have mercy upon their souls!

#2 How can I interpret the doctrines of the Bible?

That depends on what you think about the Bible!   First a person needs to decide what he/she believes about the Bible --Is it a "holy" book?   Is it God's word revealed?   Is it literature?   Is it sound?  Before one can think any thing about the Bible, they first have to think about what, if anything, it means to them!  That is the jumping off point.     Do I believe in the concept that there is a God and that he spoke in this one book?   Answer that question first!

Christian community says that although there were many writers, God inspired them in their writing.  The ways are simply complex from dreams, visions, hearing the actual word of God, the Holy Spirit, historical research and the Ministry of Jesus Christ.  God uses many ways to inspire and challenge people.    Even the circumstances of our lives leaves room to be challenged!

Illumination is the ministry of the Holy Spirit that enables us to understand the principles of the Bible and truths for our lives.   Help me, O God, to be illumined by the reading of what I consider to be Scripture!

Trudy Lee and I had a great time yesterday in St. Louis. We visited two friends/donors; Marvin Rosengarten and Joan and Steve Newman. It is great to be with old friends and we share all kinds of memories. Thank goodness for Christmas time when you will make the time to visit with people you care about.

 

Going out tonight with more friends; John Bierk and Bill Prost. Then Annie and I are headed to Jefferson City for the party at the Mansion. We will return on Friday.

 

It is a busy and blessed time.

 

 

 

#! What is faith and what is its value in my life?

I went to church every time the doors were opened when I was a kid in Charleston, Missouri.  I was a preacher's kid or PK for short.  And I assimilated a lot of Scripture and trappings of religion.   I was a great Scripture quoter, even text-proofed everything.  So I will spare you all the text-proofs of my ten questions.  And there are many text-proofs for the word and idea of "Faith".

People live and die with faith.  Like the farmer planting his seed and plowing his land, people have faith that what they plant will grow and produce.  Why else would people be so diligent in preparing the land, buying the best seed and buying irrigation systems?  They want to do all they can to make this ground productive and they believe that the land will eventually produce.

Parents do the same thing.  They want to nourish that child in every way so that the child will be equipped to provide for himself/herself upon maturity.  Show me a parent without faith and I will show you a parent who is doomed to receive the un-parent of the year award.  During World War II one of the most memorable quotes I remember was, "There are no aethiests in foxholes."   Most people show their faith or lack of it when the world collapses around them.

Faith is one thing;   knowledge is another.   How far the two intrude on each other depends upon the extent of faith and the extent of knowledge one has!   I once heard a Bible teacher say,  "Let's look at the primary difference between faith and knowledge.  When a child is born, the mother knows it is her child, she remembers the pain of childbirth and labor.  On the other hand, the father has faith that the child is his.   (This was before the day of bloodtests.) (Nor did that teacher intend to exclude all the adoptive parents in the world).   Nonetheless, it was a simple statement about one difference between faith and knowledge!

Faith is a daily necessity.  Where we put that faith, and whether we exercise it at all, plays a role in defining our lives.

More Ponderings

During this Christmas season, I decided to check out on Internet and see if they had a category called "Top Ten Questions about Religion".   Yes they do, in fact a number of them.  I looked at those questions and pondered if they were really questions that should be in Top Ten.   I decided at first reading that I would have to put all of the lists together to get my Ten.

In the first place, some would not be on my personal list.   No, What did the Bible say about masturbation would not be on my list or same-sex marriage or body piercings?   Not the first question or the eighty-sixth question I would want to ask!  Then I took away questions that no one really has an answer for like what happens when you die, what is heaven like, are you aware of your surroundings in heaven, etc.   Too much pondering of questions like this will make you see heaven faster than you choose to, in my mind!   And, I have never been impressed with hell -bent fury preachers who tell you they have all the answers and you just open your mouth and take the dose they are offering.  For my part, I would not even drink after them using the same cup!   Their brand of venom may abide forever!

But here are my nine questions and these are questions I can ponder!


1..  What is faith and what is its value in my life?

2.   How can I interpret the doctrines of the Bible, such as revelation, inspiration and inerrancy?

3.   How can I understand the doctrine of who God is and His work and attributes?

4.   Why did Christ come to earth?

5.   Is the Holy Spirit for real?

6.   Do we all have choices as human beings and how do we make the "right " choices?

7.   Are there "real" angels and demons who live among us?

8.   Is the church relevant in today's world?

9.  What should I believe about heaven and hell based on Scripture?

Now I need to ponder them one by one!  It is critical to my well-being!   Follow my blog if you are asking the same questions!

Warning to Control Freaks! Back off from me!

 

  

 

I hate people who are "control freaks" like dog do-do!  They are pesky pondscum people who need to be locked up in a cell where they have no free will for a long season.   They suck the life out of people who have to deal with them and people who are needy!   And I have had to deal with two of them.   No wonder I hate the sight of them.  

 

In trying to deal with them, I have read the works of several expert therapists on the subject such as Mark Tyrell.   He gives five ways to deal with a "control freak":

 

l. Separate controlling behavior from the good stuff.   (Not a good step,  Did this, tried to remember their good qualities.   They got bad-er and bad-er!)

2. Stand your ground with the control freak by not arguing.  (This is good advice; the freaky one doesn't listen to anyone else anyway.)

3.  Use the "broken record" technique.  (Keep repeating what your stand is;  this will not help.)

4.  Use humor to manage the "control freak".  (Does not work;  Control freaks, by their nature, have no humor genes).

5.  Be prepared to walk away.  Let them control other people!   (Good, best advice!)

 

And that is exactly what I have done.  I tried;   I never conquered;  I couldn't laugh it off so I walked away from them!  My only solution that worked...for me!   Everybody knows these people and avoids them like the plague or tries to placate them.   I heard someone say to one of these people one time:  "Tell me, who died and made you God!"  Then the person got defensive (a mode that they quickly adopt when challenged.)   (When their advice goes bad, the control freak disavows it completely.)

 

There are times when you leave people to their own devices.   I run my life and I don't need any help from people who have been led to believe that they are brilliant, world-changing people.  They constantly try to dictate how you are supposed to act or feel.  Well, all you "control freaks" out there, keep making a shambles out of your life but you are not going to have this old lady to push around.  I've forgotten more about living than either of you will ever know!

Lou Holtz, the coach who keeps on coaching!

Most ot the Sunday newspaper I pitch without reading --ads, ads, and more ads.  But I always look thru the Good Times section and I read the religion column of Jeff Long if it is in the section.  I also read the food column.   Today Jeff Long column was present and it was entitled "Four Things".  The column was about the wisdom of Lou Holtz.  To tell you the truth, I knew very little about the man except that he was the football coach at Notre Dame.   So I read on.  "The Coach says there are four things that every person needs:   something to do, someone to love, something to hope for and someone/something in which to believe."

Okay, Coach, you have my attention!  I agree with you on each of the four!

I decided that I wanted to learn more about this man.  Was this quote a one time deal that someone else probably wrote for him?  You know, he is a motivational speaker according to his bio and they are really close, in my mind, to a used car salesman or bogus insurance salesman who haunt the nursing homes and retirement club membership rolls!

But I liked his resume (Coached 6 different college programs to Bowl Games) and I really liked some of his quotes.  Namely, two of them hit home to me --too close for comfort:

"Don't tell your problems to people:  eighty percent don't care and  the other 20% are glad you have them."   (This hits me;  I seem to spend my time feeling sorry for myself and making sure that everyone knows that I am wrongfully been imposed upon while there is a 20% that thinks good enough for her: she got all the breaks in the world.)

Here is another one that hits me in the face:  "If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven't done anything today!"   This is a challenge to me not to rest on what I consider to be my laurels.  I am just retired;  I am not dead and I face opportunities that are mine for the taking.

But my favorite is this one:   "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song!"   I love this.   It says to me to sing your song--act don't react to what someone else has done.  Do your own thing.....with a sense of joy and a grasping of opportunity.

The ponderings of Mary

Here is my message for myself this Christmas.  And Mary pondered!

The story occurs in Luke 21 and focuses on verse 19-20.   The angels went to see how things were going along and they found Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus, who was lying in the Manger.  The angels told the people what was happening and that this baby would change the world.   Many of them believed and went on about their way thinking it was a good thing, maybe a miracle, but they had work to do and their own children to think about.

Then the words:  "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

"Pondered them" means she thought about it, not for a fleeting time, but wanted to get to the bottom of it and wrap her brain around it.   That is my wish for myself and others this season;  may each of us find something that we can wrap our brain around;  may we find something or someone worth the pondering!"

And it goes without saying, that if we find something worth truly pondering, we will push all the trivialities out of our brain or put them in a low second.  Like Mary, Lord, help me to find priorities worth pursuing this next year!

Errands and conferences

Okay it's Friday --end of the week and my day is crammed with conferences and meetings.   I started off this morning with a conference with Dr. Mark Kasten about my sister and her care at the Nursing Home.    This went fine.

Then Annie and I went to Nursing Home and had a multi-staff conference with three of the employees there.  My sister is doing well adapting (she was there before and did not do so well) but I have learned from every source that I consider knowledgeable on strokes that there is no prediction on previous patterns and sometimes even a light stroke will make a person do things and be things that they would never be or do.   I will never let anyone say "light stroke" in front of me.  There are no, and I repeat, no light strokes!!!!

Those who are around the patient need understanding.  It is not easy to make decisions or to find ways to keep them occupied and their mind happy and busy.   The care-givers, whether they do the work, or make the decisions, need people around them who say "thank you" and keep their critical opinions to a minimum.  Neither has an easy job!   How well I know!   Those members of families who can walk away or don't have to make the hard decisions do not have it easy either but they have no idea what those with the staying power or the legal power are carrying!

I love going to the Nursing Home.   They always tell me how lucky my sister is to have me and they always want to know how I am doing under the stress!  That is so essential to my emotional well-being!  Paths are chosen, sometimes, for us and sometimes we choose to walk in that path.  But NO ONE knows what that path is like until they travel in it!

A Whiff of the Familiar

This morning I received a package from Harriett Goodin Small, my longtime best friend.  Inside was a Christmas Ornament of "Johnnie's Drive In", our hangout for hamburgers, boy-watching and boy-chasing!   I laughed and laughed.  What a great gift!   Who but Harriett would know I would love it --out there every night with Harriett Lucille, Margaret Rosalie and Chloe Karen!  What a treat!   Then Margie Ferrell had her green truck and we had WHEELS!  Life was incredible!

I worked in the Principal's office and made eighteen dollars a month.  That was pocket money!  But I had all the keys to the buildings and I was popular if you needed to get in the building at night!  Dick Brown called me "Mrs. Williams" since I ran everything for Harding, baby!

What great memories!  I loved Charleston High School!  I still know the names of everyone who went to school with me.  I typed the grade averages for 4 years.  Of course I know the names!  It was a wonderful time for me.  Yes, I still know the class averages of the Sr. Class:   Leslie Bowers (l), Ben Bledsoe (2) transferred in and really shouldn't be on list;  3  Mary Virginia Russell   4.  Daniel Moit and 5th Jane Cooper.   I was lucky to be in top five with all those brains.   I hardly opened a book but all of them studied.  

Thanks Harriett, called you back and we took up where we left off!  Always!

THE BOOK IS DONE!

I can't believe it!  The book on the Athletic Hall of Fame is done and I can hardly believe it!   I can't even begin to tell people how relieved I am to get this done after 2 and a half years!.    Scream it to the rooftops.  Shout it to the heavens!

People out there, I don't ever want to see this copy again.  Thanks to Jordan Lowry for working all day to get it to bed.   

I have nothing more to say!   The relief has totally set in!  Merry Christmas, Jane Stacy!   There is a Santa Claus!

The Family

I found this picture this morning while I was thinking of the telephone calls I had last night dealing with family matters.  Life and people change along the way.  And we cope, ignore, embrace or die trying.  Each of us makes our own decisions. 
And we are stuck with the decisions, bad or good.   I often think about Jim Cooper and me and how we dealt with family matters so differently.  I am so happy that I had so much time at the end of his life to talk about these things and wish that both of us had been mature or had the time to deal with these matters before we got old.  It was not too late.  And it gave both of us some fun and laughter and not a great deal of introspection.  We knew things about our nuclear family that no one else knew--not anything sinister or blindsiding--just the way we lived when it was only Daddy, Momma, Jim, Rosie and me.  Five of us.  Others came in for a visit but we never considered them a real part of our family because they did not live there.  Velna came home with Susan, Autry come home when he was bad but they were only there for a season.   I will never forget Jim standing before me when I mentioned this to him and he said, "You are exactly right.  It was just us!  I never even thought about that!"

Now the nucleus --Mama and Daddy--are gone and nothing will ever be the same.  And that is a normal thing.   The rest of us  have our own families.   In my case, I share Jennie's family (Annie and her children) also and they are in and out, bringing me a coke, putting up my Christmas lights, etc.   and laughing and talking.   I wish that my extended family would be more in keeping with my visions of what Mama Cooper would have wanted but that seemed to die with her death.  Maybe that is normal too;  maybe we had way too much "togetherness" over the years and just didn't realize it!

So, I will press on reaching out to those who reach out to me and replacing the ones who are lost to me with people who have become my family along the way.  Merry Christmas to what used to be a Cooper Family and to all of my "adopted" family:  Bev, Debbie, Joan, Susan, Evelyn, John, Bill, on and on.

December, A Month for Sharing

I can't remember moving into December without feeling the spirit of Christmas come over and take over my soul!  I spend too much and my kneejerk reaction is to help one and all.   I'm already there on Monday, December 3.   Meleia works for me on Mondays and I just filled up her car with errands:  Xmas decorations for the Safe House and videos for the troops abroad.   It is such a simple gesture.   I have way too much stuff and it is simple housecleaning at the same time it helps others.  I went by this place yesterday, across from Kidds, and they said bring in your videos for the troops.  I have one in Afghanistan and I want him to have some moments of joy.

Wouldn't that be a Christmas present?  To have all the troops home.   I am trying to do something for someone each December day.  That is my Christmas present to myself!   Giving is elating to the soul. No one knows how it will be received.   You have to stick your neck out and try!

1 John 3:17-18 says:
"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?"    So I am determined to reach out to nameless people in secret and try to make a difference to one person in a special way this Christmas season!

Soren Kierkegard, Existentialism and me

I went back to sleep this morning at 4:30 a.m., slept deeply, awakened at 8:30 in a panic.  I was in court on trial and the members of my extended family were witnesses against me lined up in the court room with their anger flaring out of their snot-noses.   I got up on the witness stand and said to the judge, "I have nothing to say about any of them or their attitudes.  Let them be.  I did what I could for them and they can think what they want.  I'm tired of thinking about all their anger."   Then I woke up and kept trying to put the stupid, nocturnal scene out of my brain.

And now I'm writing about it!   That makes it a crisis forever!  In the digital age, you can't erase your posted past and move on!  Or as my mother used to say (and she defined life in simpler terms) "You can't escape your raising!"..  Life and living are things we carry around-- but I need to unload the anger and bitterness I feel for certain members of the family.   I did nothing but good for them and if they choose not to remember, then I should choose to forget their ingratitude out of my sphere of thought.  They should not be able to invade my sleep stage and cause me further disturbance.  I am allowing them far more control of me than I wish them to have.

So I am reaching for the words of Soren Kierkegaard, a Danish theologian who may or may not be labeled an existentialist (No one can really define what an Existentialist is, anyway!  It's not like being a Southern Baptist or Roman Catholic!)

Soren Kierkegaard talked about the role of the individual and focused on Christian ethics and Christian love.  He explored the emotions and feelings of individuals who were forced with life choices.   And, he came out on the side that individuals face certain situations and must learn to make and accept difficult choices.   Then they must go on to live to make the next difficult choice.   Sort of a refining process along the way but he felt, as did others of his ilk, that choices were determined by ACTS not WORDS.

So, Soren baby, I'm letting this dream go and standing by my acts.  Let any one who wishes to judge me, judge me by this standard of Christian love and ethics:  "I was sick and ye visited me".  Yes I did! 

Knee socks and wine

Last night Joan Gohn picked me up early for a trip she had planned for 12 of us and she told me not to dress up too much.  When she picked me up, I was barelegged and she insisted I put on a pair of her knee socks.  After a bit, I was happy that she insisted.

Twelve of us met at Joan's house and got into a van at 5:00.  We drove to Primo Vino in Cape, had wine of 5 bottles, then went to the new Apple Creek winery where we did more tasting and had a salad.   I ran into Dot and Don Hemmann and was so happy to see them which solidifed to the 12 that I know everyone.  Dot was my alumni president in Perryville.

 

Our table at Apple Creek:  Irene --- Mary McClary, me, Peggy Lehman, Betty Henson and Pat Robert

 

Then we went on to The Barrens in Perryville and had dinner and dessert and more wine (I stopped drinking by this time) and we listened to live music (at least they said it was)  It was a noisy crowd home.   But fun!

 

 

Total group: Peggy Lehman, Charlotte Bess, Mary McClary, Honey Baker, Judy Brown, Betty Henson,, Nona Chapman, Jane Stacy, Irene, Joan Gohn, Pat Robert and Ann Crites.

Want to do this again!