Soren Kierkegard, Existentialism and me

I went back to sleep this morning at 4:30 a.m., slept deeply, awakened at 8:30 in a panic.  I was in court on trial and the members of my extended family were witnesses against me lined up in the court room with their anger flaring out of their snot-noses.   I got up on the witness stand and said to the judge, "I have nothing to say about any of them or their attitudes.  Let them be.  I did what I could for them and they can think what they want.  I'm tired of thinking about all their anger."   Then I woke up and kept trying to put the stupid, nocturnal scene out of my brain.

And now I'm writing about it!   That makes it a crisis forever!  In the digital age, you can't erase your posted past and move on!  Or as my mother used to say (and she defined life in simpler terms) "You can't escape your raising!"..  Life and living are things we carry around-- but I need to unload the anger and bitterness I feel for certain members of the family.   I did nothing but good for them and if they choose not to remember, then I should choose to forget their ingratitude out of my sphere of thought.  They should not be able to invade my sleep stage and cause me further disturbance.  I am allowing them far more control of me than I wish them to have.

So I am reaching for the words of Soren Kierkegaard, a Danish theologian who may or may not be labeled an existentialist (No one can really define what an Existentialist is, anyway!  It's not like being a Southern Baptist or Roman Catholic!)

Soren Kierkegaard talked about the role of the individual and focused on Christian ethics and Christian love.  He explored the emotions and feelings of individuals who were forced with life choices.   And, he came out on the side that individuals face certain situations and must learn to make and accept difficult choices.   Then they must go on to live to make the next difficult choice.   Sort of a refining process along the way but he felt, as did others of his ilk, that choices were determined by ACTS not WORDS.

So, Soren baby, I'm letting this dream go and standing by my acts.  Let any one who wishes to judge me, judge me by this standard of Christian love and ethics:  "I was sick and ye visited me".  Yes I did!