The Blame Game

Albert Ellis, psychologist, wrote:  "The best years of your life are ones in which you decide your problems are your own.  You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the President!  You realize that you control your own destiny!"

Not quite that easy but so true.   I never blamed my problems on my Mother, the ecology, or the President!  But I blamed a lot on other people named Cooper!   I always knew that my family was comprised of people who were outspoken and  determined that their way was the one to be f;ollowed and I always knew that they overvalued money and power.  But I thought that there was an underlying love that would always bind them together.   I strongly doubt this premise now.

But blame game!  My youngest siblings and I played this game all the time.  The oldest ones would come in, tear up our household of five, dump their kids off, send Daddy scurrying to the sanctity of his bedroom, and they would scream and fight with each other.   My oldest brother was an alcoholic which does not fit in well in a preacher's family so I blamed him for causing a ruckus all the time, for causing gossipmongers to work on a full time basis, and I blamed my older sisters for tearing up what little sanity my parents had left.   And I still blame them for that even though they were all coping with their own monumental problems.

Bringing it up to the present, playing the blame game is useless after a point.  No one really knows the thoughts of another person so we surmise what they were thinking and what caused them to do this or that or think this way or not.   Analysis of another takes time and access; and usually that person is long gone to another relationship and could care less what you think of him/her at this point.  Often we blame people who had no intention of hurting us!  Sometimes they have no idea that we were hurt in the process.

So who do I blame TODAY for my problems!   If I can't blame my ex-husband because he could care less, and I can't blame my older siblings because they were coping with alcoholism, divorce and a teen-age marriage and babies, because they were just kids themselves trying to cope with problems that were crushing them, then who do I blame?    Okay, I am going to blame the administration of the University who could not find the funds to keep me working when I was over 70!   Or the idiot administrator who laughed when he told me that I was through after 30 years of service!   Now, he deserves some lessons in empathetic kindness but he did not make that decision on his own.   I was 70 years of age!  The University can't pay people until they die in office.

I think I will start blaming the same person I give credit to when things turn out good!